Blog the pain away

I have got carpet beetles in my room. They are the size of two sesame seeds, or half a sunflower seed, brown and ochre and when you prod them they retract their legs and pretend to be pebbles. They are not pebbles though, they eat your prized woolen m+s cardigan that you finally put patches on, or the blue and white check cotton shirt handmade by your Irish grandmother for herself and then given to you 20 years later, or the beautiful Laura Ashley dress picked up from a charity shop that fits you so well but shows your boobies if you slouch and you have to pretend that you care and sew a press stud.
So the carpet beetles must die.
I need to hoover the shit out of my room and put some fragrant rosemary and lavender pomanders in my wardrobe. I might even sprinkle tea tree oil all over the carpet. Infestation, its a horrible thought. I have seen them before in my parents house. I thought they were curious little things, their leg-retraction making them like mini-hedgehogs, but three in as many days? That is an infestation.
What is really ppfbbb! ppfbbb! (or harlarlarlgh! depending on the noise you make when bin juice falls on your bare toes) is that although I haven't seen one yet apparently carpet beetle's larvae is bigger than the beetles themselves, probably as big as a whole sunflower seed, or a short piece of grated carrot, and they are hairy and wormy.
Yak! (which is my Irish grandmother's noise of disgust, but she rarely uses it because she is at one with nature, especially daddy long legses...ppfbbb! ppfbbb!!)